alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
