So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize