I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
