It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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