She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
