There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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