I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My vagina is very pro this idea
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
