i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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