eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
