i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
