Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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