Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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