I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The air was thick with penises
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
