don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
