What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
