Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I faked an abortion last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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