Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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