We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
