Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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