I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
