We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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