you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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