Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
