i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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