dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
