I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
