it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
