i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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