When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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