how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Someone signed my nipple.
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