I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize