My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
