so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
