We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
