He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize