walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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