I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
