theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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