Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
