I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
