I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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