Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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