Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
