This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
