while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
