Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize