I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
