Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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