what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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