thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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