actually, I'm a sock model
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
