Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
