Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
