Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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