So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize