I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
