his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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