fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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