we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
