If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
