whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
