she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
