she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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