I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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