Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
