so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
