Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
