Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Someone shit on the floor
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My ass is underappreciated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
