After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
