Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
