I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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