It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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