The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
