New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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