R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
