my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
