honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
