I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
