I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
