sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
