If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
