I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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