I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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