Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
