We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
