It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
