yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
