A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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