dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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