i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
