There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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