i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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