I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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