Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
