I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
