I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
